Where there is a will there is a way!
I really don’t think there is such a thing as a perfect parent, but there is such a thing as a loving parent, and a dedicated parent. I have spent so much time over the last 5 years questioning whether or not I was a good parent. I have spent many days and nights feeling as if I am not doing right by my kids. I know we shouldn’t compare ourselves to other parents, but I do all the time. I am always thinking that I could do more, be better, or just do it right. I see all my friends with their kids and think how do they do it? How do they keep such a clean house, or why aren’t they as tired as me, or how are they able to do so many things with their kids? I think more often than not, that I am really not a very successful parent. It is bad enough when I compare my kids and my self to my friends with “typical” kids, but even worse when I compare myself to other PWS moms. I think how do they do so much more therapy than me, how do they have so much time for fundraising, or why do they seem so much less stressed than me? It really hit me over the last few days that although I am NOT perfect, I am doing the best that I can. I may not do everything, but I am still DOING, TRYING, and MOVING FORWARD.
I did it, I made it to Nashville with Blaise. The reason for the trip was to participate in a PWS research study on behavior. This has to be one of the most important things that Blaise and I have done. Research will lead to a cure, and we want to be a part of that, and now WE ARE! So through all my fatigue we hit the road yesterday and made it Nashville in 4 hours. We woke up this morning and headed to Vanderbilt University to meet the amazing Dr. Roof. We spent the next 7 hours in various testing situations and we were both exhausted. As soon as the testing was over we got in the car, cranked the engine and started the 5 hour drive home. I was so tired, I mean really tired ( I have been up since 5:45am), but I was committed to getting Blaise home to see his daddy. I realized as I was driving, that no matter how tired, or sick, or stressed out I am, I will find a way to DO MY PART as his mom. I will always find a way to get him to therapy, karate, gymnastics, DR. Miller in Florida, Dr. Roof in Nashville, all the doctors in Atlanta, school, NaNa and Papa’s house, and anything else he needs. I do it because I am committed to him, because I love him, because if I am not the best mom…I am at least the mom who tries. What I realized is that even though I am unorganized, not the best housekeeper, sometimes yell and scream, don’t d all the therapy in the world, and forget to do the laundry, I am still a great mom. I am a mom who will go the extra mile for my kids and that in itself is enough.I do it because I am needed by them as much as they are needed by me.
(Just to clarify…..NOT A REAL GUN. Maddock likes to be like his dad. Currently he is a hunter, or, in his words “I AM A MAN”)
That alone is enough to make me walk to the ends of the earth for them.
They don’t care if I am perfect, they only care that I love them!
So taking a cue from my sister Jen, I will now add my perfection quest into my pile of “dookie”
I AM DONE WITH THAT…
I am done with trying to be perfect. I am done with trying to fit into some mold of what I am SUPPOSED to be! I am going to start taking lessons from my kids, and just starting being ME. I have always been a bit different, and like both of my kids, I march to my own beat. If I am going to teach my kids to be individuals and to love themselves than MOMMY has to do the same. So I am going to ROCK ON WITH MY BAD SELF and…..
So dear readers, I am officially giving you all permission to say out loud. I AM NOT PERFECT AND THAT IS JUST FINE BY ME!!!!