I’m Not Gonna Lie…

4 Dec

A blog should be honest right?

Today was this kind of day for me…..

I don’t know what is wrong today, or yesterday for that matter, but I am just in a funk. I am just in a bad mood. I am cranky, stressed out, tense, and to be quite honest, kinda mean.

I hate when I feel like this because it totally consumes me. It consumes every single aspect of my being. So today I find myself totally consumed with a massive amount of insecurity. I have been doing so good lately with not feeling bad about my self, and today it was as if I put my self in reverse. I am totally aware of the fact that what I am feeling is coming out of my stress and that it’s not real, however that doesn’t necessarily make it any better.

To add insult to injury I got a lovely letter in the mail from the State Department today regarding my passport. Three weeks after applying they send me this letter stating that I didn’t provide SUFFICIENT proof of my identity. Apparently a certified birth certificate and current drivers liscence(by the way this is what they told me was required and was all that was required) is no longer good enough. They sent me the letter and said that I need to submit 5 DOCUMENTS TO PROVE WHO I AM and….THAT ALL THE DOCUMENTS NEED TO BE 5 YEARS OR OLDER. Oh really. Then they go on to add a 5 page attachment of which I am to list EVERY SINGLE PLACE I EVER LIVED. They underline and restate that I must list EVERY single residence. As if I remember all that. So I am leaving for Mexico in roughly six weeks, the trip of a lifetime for me, given as a gift by my amazing sister. This is my first time out of the country, and my first time away from my kids. This is supposed to be a chance for me to recharge and have some real time to reclaim myself. So help me god if the state department screws this up for me, well…I am not sure I should post those not so nice words on here tonight.

So you see the end result of all of this mess is this…I was not nice to my kids today, mean to my mom, and really lame to my husband. So a blanket apology to all of the above is needed. I AM SORRY FOR BEING NASTY TO YOU.

I really don’t know how I even managed to write this blog tonight, yes, I am in that bad of a mood.

I made a promise to myself to be committed, and for me that means writing no matter what. That is one thing that makes me happy today, being committed and following through with a promise to myself.

I am going to be this bad day to rest now. I hope to wake tomorrow feeling a bit better than today.

Not everyday can be a good day.

I will accept all the days good and bad. I will see today for what it is a pile of you know what, and then let it go.

So dear readers can you let go of your bad days, maybe bad weeks, sometimes even bad years?

8 Responses to “I’m Not Gonna Lie…”

  1. Janis Tull Williams December 4, 2011 at 10:10 pm #

    I have times like that too Rachel. I cannot believe they expect you to remember every place you have ever lived. I had to do that for a security clearance when I was 20 years old and I couldnt imagine having to do it now 36 years later. I have moved a LOT. I hope tomorrow is a better day and I pray that you get to go on your trip. Hugs to you and yours.

  2. Julie December 4, 2011 at 10:25 pm #

    I have an extraordinarily difficult time letting things go. Even though I am well aware it is bad for my health and unfair to the innocent ones around me, I can’t help but let stuff put me in that same negative spot sometimes.

    I remind myself that I can only control my actions and reactions; not those of anyone else, but sometimes, things break through, especially ridiculous red tape like the kind government is so good at sticking everywhere. I’m sure that writing the blog must be at least a little bit cathartic?

    Oh and, if you get your credit report (which you can view online I believe) it is pretty good at listing even the homes you don’t remember. It’ll work out, lady!

  3. Sabrina Bolin (@MyMiBoSo) December 5, 2011 at 2:02 am #

    I can see how you’re Jennifer’s sister – both so real and honest. Let me just say that your honesty is beautiful.

    My life coach holds me accountable to a daily gratitude list that I email over to her every night. Some days it’s great – easy – fun.

    Others, not so much. Sounds like you’ve had a “not so much” day. But, despite all the poo (keeping it G-rated folks), I’ll venture that there was at least 1 thing that went well. Maybe something goofy made you laugh. Or even just smile for a second.

    Picture that funny, warm, happy little thing and let that little thing fill your energy for one big breath. Will it make all the other crap go away? Highly doubtful. But don’t you deserve relishing in that moment of happiness in the meantime?

  4. brenda barta December 5, 2011 at 2:17 am #

    I am sorry it was a bad day! Tomorrow is a brand new beginning….so hang in there…and of course sipping a little wine is never a bad thing!

    Passport….I am sure you probably know this and it doesn’t help if one has ZERO free time. BUT There is a passport office in Atlanta and you may be able to take what they have sent you and the requested information and have a passport issued quickly. There are downsides though….there is an extra fee paid there (I believe to get a card and book is 160–cheaper if you get only a passport book…a card fits in your wallet and allows for non=air travel to Canada and Mexico) Travel must be within Two weeks (inbox me if you want to go earlier than last two weeks to passport office)

    If you have an appointment you will be in an out in a little under 2 hours..no appointment take a book and plan the to be there early! the Second downside is you need to go back the next day to pick it up! (you can designate someone for the pickup)


    Sending hugs and valium! (well ok and a naughty thought or two to the state department)

  5. barbarapotter December 5, 2011 at 5:08 am #

    Rach, stress can take a huge toll on people and sometimes it’s hard to handle. You know you are never mean to me. At least if you are I forget it in a second and all is good. Love you.

  6. hypnotiqsolutions December 5, 2011 at 4:31 pm #

    Hi Rachel,
    A lot of times when you are making progress, it is normal to feel that slide back. It generally comes before a breakthrough and moving forward once again. And I bet you that back slide was just a step back, compared to the miles you have moved forward toward the positive. It’s a good thing to honor the emotion and release it, not allowing it to linger through thoughts of should have/would have to the next day. I hope you are having a beautiful day today. We all deserve to have a funk once in a while, it gives us perspective on the truly beautiful aspects.

  7. Jennifer K. December 8, 2011 at 12:17 am #

    Rachel, you have posted parts of my life story many times on this blog. Except for the super-supportive sister part, of which I am envious and especially happy for you and Jen about 🙂 I give you enormous credit for putting all of this out there, the good, the bad and the ugly of life’s daily challenges, and for wanting and having the energy to make positive changes in your life. Your words are a support for others who wish to do the same but are currently ready to just hop back in bed and pull the covers over their heads at any given moment. Today was one of those days for me. Thanks for helping to spread joy, inspiration, hope and most of all for keeping it real. Love to you and Blaise. And, have a *fabulous* trip! (more envy, LOL) it all will work out in the end ❤

  8. Lisbeth Prifogle December 8, 2011 at 10:31 am #

    My bad day quote:

    “Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” -Emerson

    I keep a post it note on my computer with that written on it … you know just in case I need reminded to let it all go 🙂

    That’s insane for the passport – I had to do that for a security clearance as well, you’d think a passport would be an easier process hope it works out!

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