YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT!!!!
Today is day 3 of my juice fast/feast. I did add a few things in to make my life a bit more interesting. I allowed myself one cup of decaf green tea with lemon and homemade vegetable broth. It hasn’t gotten above 34 degrees here, and to be honest I really needed something hot.
This whole experience has been really eye opening for me. I have fasted before, I made it 6 days on the master cleanse, but that was many years ago. This time it is different. This time the fast has taken on a different meaning for me.
For those of you who read the last two blog entries you know that I am also fasting to honor my son Blaise. I thought if Blaise can experience hunger everyday, then I can at least do 10 days, right????
Well, I hope. It is really hard to give up food. Yes, I am still eating food in essence, but I mean sitting down to actually eat food. You know where you can actually eat it and not have to drink it.
I have been sitting here really hungry for a few hours. I juiced and drank my broth but around 2pm today I got hungry, and it just won’t quit. The hubby took the kids and I got some alone time. Let me tell you that made the hunger worse. So I sat in silence and said to myself, “Just sit with the hunger Rach, you can do this!”
It is bringing up all kinds of emotions for me. I started to think to myself am I really hungry or am I bored? Am I really hungry or am I trying to avoid things? There is a whole laundry list of things that I need to get done but don’t want to do at all. I know this for sure, if I was eating that is what I would be doing right now. I would most definitely be eating.
Eating is my go to one stop fix it all. If I am sad I eat. If I am hungry I eat. If I am lonely I eat. If I am nervous I eat. I know that juicing is still eating, I am still getting nutrients, but it doesn’t fill that “eating” void.
I watch all these people talk about how their fasting was great after day 3. I also read and listen to these people talk about how they took a week off of work, went to a spa, or locked themselves in a room with no temptations.
I find this fast to be especially hard for me due to my particular situation. I cook every meal at home for my family, this is what is best for Blaise having Prader-Willi Syndrome. Of course we still eat out, but rarely.
So having to fast while preparing three meals a day for your family is really rather hard. Fasting can make you tired, that is not the case with this fast, although I am a bit cranky today, and to be honest just not quite myself.
I am not giving up, although I desperately want to. I will go on for as many days as I can.
So much of me wants to give up fasting and choose to live the 80/20 life. The 80% being fruits and vegetables(predominately raw), the other 20% being lean protein/and whole grains.
So I go on and enter day 4. I will wake up tomorrow and take it moment by moment. I really feel like this is such a challenge for me, and I don’t want to give up. I have a lot of personal issues with feeling like a failure. I feel if I don’t make it the whole 10 days then I have failed. I have major issues with “giving up” So this fast is also a self-fulfilling prophecy for me. If I give up then I make myself “right” about not having follow through. The other side of me says that I am being ridiculous and we can only do what we can.
You can see how I am in a bit of a conundrum!
All that being said I am going to bed, day 3 totally starving. I mean bad.
So my 3 words for today are….