I AM NO STRANGER TO LOSS….
This does not make it any easier.
“You’ll get over it…” It’s the clichés that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life for ever. You don’t get over it because ‘it” is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never loses. How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death. This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no-one else can fit it. Why would I want them to?”― Jeanette Winterson, Written on the Body
When I was only 5 years old I lost my dad. I was such a little girl, but that loss would help to shape my life forever. As I grew up I became not stranger to loss. I lost friends and family members as the years rolled on, it never got easier.
I have lost many beloved 4 legged friends along the way too. That is no comfort to me right now. My dog is in dire straits and I know in my heart that it is the end of days for him. My previous loss will do nothing to help me feel better about his eventual departure from our lives.
Our beloved dog Gunner, my husbands first baby, has a tumor. This tumor is the size of a grapefruit and has invaded his entire back side, leaving him in a position where he is unable to use the bathroom without medication. It is terrible to see your “animal” child in pain. It is equally hard to see your husband in pain.
There are no words to describe the look of sadness on my husbands face, it breaks my heart.
Gunner is now running a fever and has a terrible cough. The vet said today that it isn’t looking good. We have pain medication and antibiotics for him to keep him happy.
It is such a terrible decision to have to make, do you keep your animal alive or take their life?Nobody should ever have to make this decision. I certainly don’t want to make this decision. I fear it will come down to me having to be the strong one and make the final say so. I know that to make a decision like that is too hard for my husband to even think about right now.
I don’t have much to write about tonight other than the fact that I am VERY SAD TODAY!
When you lose somebody you love it brings up things that are buried deep inside of you.
Keep my little buddy in your thoughts tonight. He has been my companion for the last six years, by my side through both pregnancies, and all the moments in between.
We love him so much. This is a very hard time for us ;(