Today was one of those days….
Today I had my very first visit with the social worker at the autism center. It is basically a counselor for ME. Somebody to help me with strategies, find support, and work on plans of action for myself and for Blaise.
Blaise does have PWS and he is on the AUTSIM SPECTRUM. We always walk a very fine line between what is going on. One day it is a bad PWS day, the next day you are lost in the world of autism.
There is not much to say other than this….the last four days were immensely difficult.
I sat in the doctors office today and talked and talked. He just sat and listened.
Then out of nowhere he said, “Can I interrupt you?” “You keep telling me that you are not depressed and what I say to that is why not?”
He then when on to tell me ,”you have a lot on your plate.”
Let me remind you that at this moment, both my children are at each others throats, and they have destroyed the poor man’s office.
He said to me again, “It is ok to be sad sometimes, it’s ok to get stressed out, being a parent in this situation is taxing.”
He struck me like a bullet.
It is ok. I can admit that this is really hard, that sometimes I just want to run away and hide.
I have a strong desire to be in control, to be calm, to be the best and most assertive mom in the world.
The reality is often something different.
I have been challenged on a monumental level over the past few weeks. My nerves are rattled. My faith in my abilities is rattled.
I finally came to a sense of understanding today as I sat in that little tiny office on the second floor. Sitting in this office while my children scream and spill my hot coffee on my favorite sweater.
I can give myself permission to not be a superhero every moment of every day.
I can speak it out loud that today is just too much for my frazzled self to handle alone.
I can ask for help.
I face challenges everyday that I never even knew existed. I find that I have to dig deeper to find my inner strength. I move mountains on many days.
From now on, I will take it one day at a time.
If today I can only move the mole hill, then the mountain will have to wait.
I wanted to dedicate this blog to all my fellow parents of these special children.
To all the parents who get kicked in the face during a meltdown, and still don’t give up.
To all the parents who listen to their child ask the same question for 8 hours straight and still keep a smile on your face
To all the parents who spend all day calling doctors and therapists to make sure your child is well cared for
To all the parents who get up before the sun with a screaming child and still are going strong all the way through bed time
To all the parents who listen to crying more than laughing and still find a way to bring joy to their children
To all the parents who are exhausted but still find some way to get just a few minutes of therapy in for the day
To all the parents who just feel hopeless and helpless at night, and wake up feeling hopeful and full of promise the next day
To all the parents who never ever give up, even when everybody else already has
To all the parents who see the gift that is their child, even if the world only sees their faults
To all the parents who have been forever changed by their special child and pass that change on to the world