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My Secret Confession

6 Jul

I thought I would lighten the mood tonight and come forward with my super secret confession.

Since I was in the 6th grade and fell in love with The New Kids on the Block, I have loved Pop music. Yes, I said it! Cheezy pop music that you don’t dare admit you like.

My friend Emily who writes an amazing blog about her journey with her son with Tay-Sachs. She had written awhile back about listening to pop music in her car, singing at the top of her lungs, and just feeling good. I read that and thought. Oh my god that is totally me. Of course this is not the only music I listen too, but when I am in my car it just gets me going, gets my kids dancing, and suddenly sometimes things just seem not so bad.

It was another scorching hot day here in Georgia. We drove with the air conditioner on full blast, as in arctic chill cold. Then I hear those little voices from the back seat, “put on a song mommy!” So pop music it is, and they are rocking out, and so am I. We are bopping our heads, moving our bodies, and singing like we don’t care who hears us. It brings such a smile to my face. I am so grateful for moments like that, moments that exist amidst the chaotic storm that is usually brewing all around me.

As Kelly Clarkson‘s “Stronger” came on everybody was singing. So yes, it’s true I love Kelly Clarkson. I feel stronger when I am singing that song. Of course I am not singing about being broken-hearted, but I am singing about being stronger. I have always heard, thought, and said….WHAT DOESN’T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER.

I this to myself all the time when I think of losing my dad, living thousands of miles away from my family, and the diagnosis that both my children carry. So yeah when Kelly is singing I am singing right there with her. It makes me feel good, and I can not lie, I really like feeling good these days.

Amazing how you can relearn to do things. I learned how to feel good and find joy in my life from the inside out, not from the outside in. It really has been a bumpy road, but I am getting so much better. I felt a feeling all day that wouldn’t go away. It is a great feeling. I wish everybody felt this feeling. What is this feeling?

I am grateful. I am so very grateful.

As I sing and dance to cheesy pop music in my car, I am reminded how grateful I am to have ears to hear music with, a voice to sing with, and a body to dance with. I am grateful to have kids that think my singing is awesome, and that when I talk to myself in the car it is funny. I am grateful today and everyday.

 

So rise up with me and confess what makes you feel good, what brings you joy, what makes you grateful?

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