A Little Heartbreak

15 Sep

I drove into my studio today thinking I would definitely have students for my Saturday class. I thought for sure that my client from last week would be waiting for me in the parking lot. We had a great session together and she seemed really happy. However, as I pulled into the lot I had a feeling that I would be all alone today. When you show up and there is nobody there waiting to take your class, well it definitely tears at your soul a little.

What inevitably happens is that I immediately begin to question my abilities, my worth, and my being in general. I start to immediately think that, “I must have done something wrong for them not to come back.” “I must have scared them away.” ” I am never going to make this work.” “What was I thinking, this is crazy.” “I just want to run for the hills.”

So I have all these feelings and the fluttering in your heart when you are sad and want to cry. I take a moment and decide that I need to leave the building and get in my car. I get in my car and do what I always do, I crank up the tunes and sing. Not long after I commenced with my own private AMERICAN IDOL routine do I realize that my useless conversation from the moments before had left me. Of course I still felt disappointed and not as peppy as I was in the wee hours of the morning, but I wasn’t completely defeated.

Instead I decided to run around town and give out my business cards to everybody I met and knew. I decided to create a special for the first six months of business as an incentive for new clients. I felt better being pro-active and being full of self-pity.

I have experienced many emotions over the last few weeks since my studio opened. Mostly they are related to being scared and doubtful of myself. When situations like this arise in my life I feel sometimes like it is a self fulling prophecy.

I made a promise to myself this morning that I was going to do everything in my power to fight that “old version” of me, to fight the “version of me that lives in fear.” I am not there yet 100% but I am working on it. It is so hard when you are in a vulnerable state to stand up to that nasty little voice inside you that wants you to be small and fearful of the life.

Days like today really force me to examine where I am on my journey of self discovery.

So there it is folks, I said it. I am scared, self-conscious, heartbroken at times, and fighting a battle with myself, to stand tall in spite of the winds that want to knock me over.

That is the nitty-gritty truth.


12 Responses to “A Little Heartbreak”

  1. ManifestYogaJen September 15, 2012 at 4:12 pm #

    Reblogged this on The Manifest-Station and commented:
    My sister is incredible. Read this!!!!

    • Terry Lakritz September 15, 2012 at 4:45 pm #

      Rachel, for sure it had to do with Rosh Hashona in Hazard County. Kidding aside, do not beat yourself up over this. It takes time to build a business. Marketing, groupons, local ads. Put up cards at your Starbucks and other bulletin boards. Do some free classes at your local library, Y, See if you can get some subbing jobs at some local gyms.. Show up for yourself and your own practice. Give it time, people will come.
      I will see you next week. Please send out directions.

  2. Lissa September 15, 2012 at 4:33 pm #

    Hey Jen, I love your honesty here. It seems in today’s social media driven world people ‘edit’ their day and share only highlights so it was refreshing to read such an honest and insightful post. Building a business is so damn tough, it takes time to build a loyal customer base but I’m sure with your awesome and inspiring attitude and fab promo work today, you will have a full class in no time. Wish I lived in the US so I could come 🙂 Love the daily doses of humour and fun on FB too. Wishing you every success!

    • rachyrachp September 15, 2012 at 4:45 pm #

      Lissa, the blog was actually written by me Rachel. I am Jen’s little sister. 🙂 Thank you for reading.

  3. barbarapotter September 15, 2012 at 5:00 pm #

    I love the part that you don’t need the approval of others especially the ones that want to knock you down. If you stand strong in the wind that cannot happen no matter how much it blows. You will rock this thing. No doubt. Love you.

    • rachyrachp September 15, 2012 at 6:07 pm #

      Love you mommy!

  4. Katie D (@katiecanes) September 15, 2012 at 5:36 pm #

    I want to hop on a plane to Georgia so I can take your Saturday class!!!

    It’s so inspiring that you are pursuing your dreams with such courage. I will remember how you turned what could have been a setback into an opportunity to spread the word about your business, and will perform my own American Idol routine in the car when I need a pick-me-up! Thanks for sharing your feelings with such honesty.

    • rachyrachp September 15, 2012 at 6:07 pm #

      Thanks Katie. I will have you anytime you make it down south.

  5. Nancy Alder September 15, 2012 at 5:59 pm #

    Hey Rachel… a lovely post! starting teaching and/or a business is very hard. when i first started teaching yoga there were SO many times no one would show up. Occasionally, almost three years after I started and even though I have my loyal crew it happens still. That is part of the gig and it is always a little bit of a blow to the ego. But I have learned (as have many YTs out there…) it is not about me. Usually it means students are busy, are sick, or something else is keeping them away that has nada to do with me as a teacher or person. What is most common are the students you teach and then they disappear, only to come back apologizing b/c they had an injury, a hard semester or something totally unrelated to you. They return eventually because you make an impression on them in a good way.

    You are starting fresh and my guess is that the issue is that people do not know you are out there as a studio. What is your website? Do you know about the local patch sites (i.e. Atlanta.patch.com) where you can advertise, list events, get reviews and maybe even write local yoga blog posts to promote yourself? Ditto on Yelp. Do you have Fb and Twitter pages for your site? Have you shared it with every one? Have you put your biz cards or a poster up at local health food stores? Can you teach a class at a gym and start building clients there? ( btw, share your website here.. I will on my Fb and Twitter sites as well).

    I commend you for getting up after feeling defeated and showing the locals what a rockstar you are by telling them about your place. That is how you get the studio full: by being yourself. Practice that and they will come. Just have a little bit of patience in the meantime.

    Good luck!! -Nancy

    p.s. a really important practice as a yoga teacher is to find a way to deflect the energy or stuff from your students. it’s easy to absorb it. Most teachers i know have rituals or something they do to cleanse the energy (massages, mantras, showers, reiki, etc.). it’s a great thing to get started from the get go.

    • rachyrachp September 15, 2012 at 6:06 pm #

      Love this Nancy. Yes, I have a website http://www.hazardcountyyoga.com and I am on FB and twitter. I have gone all over town with cards and fliers. We put a huge sign outside our biz on the street and so on and so forth. I know it will take time. I am always grateful for times like this that remind me of the road I am traveling.


  6. Moon September 15, 2012 at 11:53 pm #

    This rings deeply in my heart, thank you! These are those juicy moment to really practice and embody, and walk the bridge when we face the gap. I remember myself so well in your words and explanation – it feels like a little test every time it happens. With a brave to be vulnerable teacher like yourself, I am sure your studio will thrive once the studio has had time to sprout from seed.

    • rachyrachp September 16, 2012 at 7:34 am #

      Much love!

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