On My Knees

29 Oct

Written by an anonymous blogger:

Who would I be if I told the truth? What would it look like if I revealed that I am living a lie? These are the things that I think about on a daily basis. How do you tell the truth about something that will inevitably crush somebody? How do you tell the truth when you worry that telling the truth will make your life harder than you imagined? I want to tell you that it’s true, that I knew from the beginning. I want to tell you that you were right. It wasn’t ever there.

I am on my knees handing this one over to God, The Universe, or whoever it is up there working for me. I am handing it over and admitting that this is bigger than I am.

 I need help.

There is a calm strength that comes when you are at peace with a situation in your life. There is a sense of stillness. The need to fight or defend yourself is gone. You are in a space of love and kindness that is all you have left inside. You don’t have any more anger or hurt.

I am at peace but need some courage.
I have never felt more fear in my life. What will my life look like, after it is all said and done? How will I make it work? Do I have the strength to see this through? These are some of the toughest questions I have ever had to ask myself. I hear people tell me all the time that I am courageous; I wish they knew how scared I really am inside. I wish that people knew how I am too scared to make a decision because I don’t know what is waiting on the other side.

Dear Universe,

I am sending my thoughts to you. Can you hear me? I am here on my knees asking for help, I am asking for guidance. I am asking for some way to replace my fear with confidence. I want to live a passionate life full of intention and I need to feel again. I need to know who I am again. I need to know that this is not my destiny. I need to know that I can have something different. Are you there? Can you hear me?



7 Responses to “On My Knees”

  1. authenticalive October 29, 2012 at 8:10 pm #

    And the limbo moments before the help arrives.. Today I study patience.. And true appreciation..

  2. jamesvincentknowles October 29, 2012 at 8:23 pm #

    OMG~! I’d die for you~! I don’t know you but I know you. You’re forgiven. Love heals all fear. All of it. Love costs nothing. You are your true self, a most beautiful soul~! I’ve been waiting so long to hear someone say these words. It doesn’t matter who you are~! It matters that you’ve been heard. You are loved. You are surrounded by so much love~! You’re going to be okay. Really.

  3. barbarapotter October 29, 2012 at 8:58 pm #

    Love what this guest blogger wrote. Bravo.

  4. Katie D October 30, 2012 at 1:29 pm #

    Love this Rachel. Thank you so much for posting and giving this person a voice. So brave!!!

  5. Chris PM October 31, 2012 at 4:35 pm #

    Oh so very well put….so very soulful and poignant! I hear you and have SO been there too. You’re not alone (hugs to you…guest blogger!)

  6. cprangemorgan October 31, 2012 at 4:37 pm #

    Oh I so hear you! Beautiful, soul-ful post. Wanting to reach through my computer screen to hug you. 🙂 You are not alone…..


  7. nikky44 November 3, 2012 at 10:13 pm #


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