Believing in Divinity

1 Nov

How do you just convince yourself that everything will be ok? How do you do this when that overwhelming sense of panic sets in?

My heart starts to beat rapidly and the sound is reverberating in my head. My jaws are clenched tightly, so tightly that I can feel my teeth becoming dull. My feet and fingers are cold. I am feeling really nervous and the butterflies are swirling in my stomach. How can I stop all this? This is truly what I consider to be the mind body connection. There is a real fear here, a fear that started emotionally and has turned into a physiological reaction.I can sit an tell myself that everything will be okay, and remind myself not to get caught up in worry. Trust in the Universe that all we be right.

How can there be suffering in the world if you could just wish it away?  If I can just wish away my stress, then why can’t others have the same luxury?

Are we built to worry? Is it in my genetic makeup to be the type of individual who resides in a home of fear? I wonder this all the time. Was I born this way or have I created this monster myself? If I created this fear monster I better kill it quick. I would die to see this transferred onto my children.

I am coming clean. I have a fear of not having enough.

 I have a fear of running out of money, clothes, food, and everything in between why does this live in me?  There are individuals who have much less than I do, and still live in a world of pure abundance. These folks live in a world free of fear of lacking. What do these people possess that I don’t? Intellectually I know that things will always find a way to appear in my life. I am well aware that they may look different than I expected, but they will be there.  My work right now is on letting go. I am letting go of the constraints of a living a life of lacking and worrying.

A beautiful woman in California told me the following, “ You need to trust in the Universe and believe in your divine self.” I know what truly scares me is the possibility that deep down I don’t believe in my own divinity. I know that all of the fear comes down to “not knowing.” I live in a world of uncertainty even in myself. I can’t live in that place anymore.

 I don’t want to have cold feet, worn down teeth, and a heart that grew tired of beating too fast. 


3 Responses to “Believing in Divinity”

  1. Janet McQuarrie (@diabetessoul) November 1, 2012 at 10:40 am #

    Love your new look! (I use this theme, too, so I am partial to it.) 🙂

    I identify with the thoughts you expressed here…When you are a mom of a special needs child (as we both are), you are worrying for your child AND your ability to provide for him/her. Maybe one of the reasons our children chose us to be their mom is to teach life lessons on how to let go and not worry. Caitlin always lives in the present moment. She finds joy in amazingly simple things. She teaches me that perfectionism is not the answer because she is perfect in a way the world can never fully appreciate. The more you focus on living in this heavy, challenging world as your most Divine Perfect Self, the easier it will all become.

  2. barbarapotter November 1, 2012 at 1:08 pm #

    I know that fear resides in you but I also know that you have the strength to beat it down. Maybe not today but you will. The Universe will open up and you will see all things bright…as always. This too shall pass.
    Love you.

  3. Jo Ellen Corcoran November 1, 2012 at 2:51 pm #

    Hey Rachel… We have a saying…. When we were down to nothing, nothing sure looked good on you… We’ll hold hands through all the aches and pains… Just keep dancing. How about a FaceTime dance with me??

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