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Find Me Now

21 Feb

Life is full of surfacey things. Chock full of material things to fill out time. Jobs, cars, iPad, and gym memberships, all things to keep us busy and paint a pretty picture of who we ARE.

I can stay busy all day writing in my blog or reading a book. I can play with my secret diary on my iPad or paint my nails. I can cook elaborate and beautiful meals for my family without any planning at all. I can do so many things. Is that who I am? I can make a list of all the things I think I am:

Mother, Daughter, Sister, Wife, Friend, Yoga Teacher, Aspiring Chef, Aspiring artist, Aspiring author, blog owner and so on.

Is that who I am?

i_am

I am a questioner and lover of the grandiose picture of life, the big picture. I want to know, when do we find out who we really are, what our real I AM-NESS truly is.

Do we find it during the happy and joyful times. Maybe we find that we are blissful and loving and a lover when we get married, maybe that is who we are. Maybe we give birth to a beautiful baby and see those tiny eyes and think, I am a dedicated soul for this little human, okay I get it, this is who I am. Maybe you get the career of your dreams and travel the world while getting paid buckets of money to do exactly what you love, you sit back and say. HOLY SHIT THIS IS WHO I AM, AND I LOVE IT.

Or is that not it at all. Is it found when you are in the dark places. The hollow and shallow place where no light can come in. The cave where you are all alone and can only hear the echo of your own raspy and tired voice. Is this where you find yourself? Is it when the call comes in that your child has an incurable condition, one that you can’t fix, is this where you find out you are warrior, that you have strength you never knew lived inside. Maybe you find out that your baby is going to die and you will have to spend two years watching his body slow down until it is no more. Is it then that you find you are filled with words and compassion and thousands of people will be changed by your words put to pen and paper. Maybe after years of anger and rage you finally reach the point to which your soul can take no more, you can finally rise up and stand again on your own two feet. Is this the moment?

I can’t answer any of the questions. I have a secret to share. I keep waiting for somebody to answer that question for me. I keep waiting for somebody to come and share with me the wisdom of this world. Where is this mythical creature who will show me the path, shine the light, and get me to my destination safely. My savior.

I can’t be the only one, in fact of course I am not. I think we all have a small desire in us to have somebody else help us along the way. I think the harsh reality is this, nobody is going to come and share their wisdom with me. It will be their wisdom and not mine anyway.

Where will you find yourself? Will it be in the lightness or the darkness? If has already happened, is it earth shattering?

earth-shattering

Please share and help shine your light for others.

 

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2 Responses to “Find Me Now”

  1. nicole markardt February 21, 2013 at 9:20 pm #

    Powerful piece. It resonates deeply. Found myself taking an involuntary deep breath… the kind where Your body reacts to so much feeling.

  2. jamesvincentknowles February 22, 2013 at 1:42 am #

    I believe, now, that when we get to this place along our journey, we realize its not saving we need, but help. We can ask for help. We can just say, HELP! I cannot do this anymore! And very often, when we do that, we indeed do get help. And sometimes, a bit later, we realize it was our willingness to be compassionate enough with ourselves to ask for help that saved us. Then we realize the blessing of living in gratitude & the softness of the truth it brings.

    We all need help. No one can do it alone. No one.

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