Tag Archives: happiness

What it Takes!

26 Jun

joy

1. a deep feeling or condition of happiness or contentment
2. something causing such a feeling; a source of happiness
3. an outward show of pleasure or delight; rejoicing
What exactly has to happen to live a life full of joy?
I know with certainty that I was like most of the world, I waited for JOY to happen TO ME. I always believed that if I had no money problems, more childcare, better clothes, perfect skin, a flat stomach, was 6 inches taller, and so on that my life would be filled with joy. Never realizing that joy comes from the inside not the outside.
I will never be taller, except in heels, and I could win the lottery, but that won’t change a thing. As I sat in meditation this morning I felt it like a lightning bolt. I am joyful. I am so FULL  of joy. Even my bad days I don’t feel sad. I still have hard days, my life is challenging and that is not likely to change anytime soon, but I am so joyful.
I woke up this morning one and a half hour late, and I wasn’t even stressed. I got myself and the boys together and headed out of the house. I was full of life, energy, and enthusiasm to handle the day. I got to the yoga studio early, what a lovely thing, and meditated. I had an amazing class and then headed home. I could feel light radiating from my body. In the last week 3 people have told me that I look lighter.
MY SPIRIT IS LIGHTER!
As I get cut off in traffic I just say it’s ok. When somebody is rude to me, I just take in stride and move on. I don’t remember the last time I yelled at my children, had a fight with my husband, or had a massive panic attack. I am moving at a slower pace but, making so much more progress. I am feeling complete at the end of the day when I lay my head down. I am sleeping so well, even when my kids are up all night, I don’t feel that anger anymore or the stress. I just take it all as it comes.
So when I dedicated my practice today I dedicated it to joy. As I set my intention of what I was letting go it was the following:
I am letting go of sadness, anxiety, fear, and self doubt. I am welcoming joy and abundance into my life.
So that is where I stand today. I don’t live some perfect fairy tale life, and that is totally fine by me. I live my unique life, with my unique family, and we are exactly where we should be.
It feels rather amazing to know that your days are filled with more joy rather than sadness and stress.
It is a shift in the mind. A shift in the soul. A conscious decision to make a change in your own world, and then take it further.
What does joy look like for you?

I AM BLESSED

9 Jun

Saturday is Karate day at our house. Blaise get’s all suited up and off we go for a half an hour of watching him kick butt. today was something very special. Blaise was on fire, he performed like a champ.

He never ceases to surprise me with what he is able to do. He was following directions, jumping, running, laughing, and full of pride. Oh my god, my heart was overflowing. I felt so much joy for him. He felt pride for himself, and that is all I want for him. I want both my children to be proud of themselves. I am leading by example because that is how I feel about myself now, PROUD!

The luck really comes into play in a rather simple way. I am lucky to be the parent of a special needs child.. I am lucky to reveal in all the little miracles that happen everyday. I am lucky is what came to me as I listened to the wind today.

I spent the rest of the afternoon just sitting with my family. I watched as my children rode their bikes, swam in the in the little pool and enjoyed the sunshine. We laughed and just enjoyed the company. It was what I call a perfect day. I take these days very seriously. Life can be way to serious around here most of the time. Today was all about relaxing and enjoying the present moment.

I was well aware that my meditation this morning helped my mood, and I loved every minute of it. I think sometimes we are so caught up in the media world, the medical world, or the stressed out parent world to stop and enjoy the moment.

Today I did. It was AWESOME.

No More Lies

30 May

I ask you this very simple question:

HOW CAN YOU HEAL IF YOU CONTINUE LYING TO YOURSELF?

It struck me light a bolt of lightning today. You can go to all the therapy in the world, pop all the pills they make, do yoga until you can stand on your fingertips in a handstand, but….if you aren’t acknowledging the truth behind all the junk, then all your work is for naught.

Yesterday as I talked through an article with my sister on the phone. She had numerous comments to me about my grammar, punctuation, and the like. If she had said that to me 6 months ago I would have been so annoyed. NOT NOW. I totally get it. I love to write but I struggle with all of those basic important writing things, ha! The new and improved me takes what people tell me and digest it before turning it into a painful experience. I am able to accept the truths about myself and not “make” them about something.

All that was an analogy for all the lies we tell ourselves and others everyday. There is always room for healing. There can not be healing if we don’t stop the lies.

We lie about all types of things. We tell ourselves we are healthy and then we drink ourselves into a stupor. We tell ourselves we are giving, but in actually hoard all we have. We tell ourselves we are not addicts, and we are so addicted that it blinds our view of reality.

Admitting to yourself and others the “truths” about yourself is the first step to healing. I have done a ton of this in the last 6 months.  Every time  I stop fighting the things about myself that are in fact a reality, I have just released another burden from my life.

My only advice for tonight is

STOP THE LIES

Everyday Like Today

28 May

I wish everyday was like today, period!!!

It was a perfect day. I got to spend the entire day outside with my kids and watch them swim in the mini pool. I watched my husband cook on the grill (yay for me no cooking at all), I had some wonderful conversations with my in-laws and I got to enjoy a beautiful glass of Pinot noir. Dare I ask what more could there be? Well okay, if my sister and mom and dad were here it would have been the most PERFECT of days, close enough though.

My in-laws bought a mini pool, it is big enough for me to swim in, the water is about 3 feet deep. I found myself just floating and staring up at the sky. I watched the most beautiful clouds swirl above my head, and I was so relaxed. I thought, “why can’t everyday be like today?” So much peace, no fighting, everybody doing their own thing but feeling very connected, and so much life all around us. I floated in the pool like that for quite some time, listening to the silence, or how all the sounds seem so much slower and quieter. I felt my body as it appeared to weigh almost nothing, all the heaviness just drifted away. I wasn’t worried about how I looked in my bathing suit, or did I remember to pay this bill, or do that thing, all I thought about was just drifting slowly and enjoying the moment as I relished the quiet outside and inside.

It was wonderful eating a great meal and watching my kids play and play and laugh all day long. I felt no pressure or stress. My entire family felt very relaxed and at ease. This is why I wish everyday was like today.

I spoke to my sister on the phone today and I told her that I finally cemented in my mind what SUCCESS is to me. To me success is peace. Of course there is a small idea of money in there, but it really is only to the point; where there is no stress to pay a bill or provide for my children. I truly define success as peacefulness in my life. Freedom from constant arguing, complaining, worrying about money, and let’s not forget the forever screaming. Success to me means having a job that I truly love and working is a “get to” not a “have to.” I will be successful when I get paid to do what I love and my family is functioning harmoniously. This is the definition I have finally come to claim in my mind.

Today felt very much like what I see in my head. Everybody was calm, happy, living in the present moment and enjoying all the blessings that life has bestowed upon us.

I feel extremely grateful to be alive today. I am still on an incredible journey of self-awareness and learning to live my best life, and I am so enjoying every moment of it.

We are Special

26 May

I received a message yesterday from my sister to call her right away. I was physically and emotionally exhausted but I called. As I listened to her on the other end of the line say, “My friend has a friend with a 5 week old baby just diagnosed with Prader Willi Syndrome, can you call her please?” Normally I would have hung up  the phone and called her straight away, however I live by the new principle of I CAN’T GIVE TO YOU WHAT I DON’T HAVE!  So I told my sister to give me 2 hours and that I would call her. I did call and left a message. Blaise then called her a few times too, haha!

We finally connected this morning and it was beautiful. It felt really amazing and interesting to be the one comforting. I sat and thought to myself what would I want to hear if my child was newly diagnosed? What would I say to me 3 years ago? What are the most important things to really get across?

So I started with the most obvious. Please allow yourself time to grieve. There is a grieving process and we often overlook it and the role it plays in the healing process. Then it was the obvious things to be HONEST. Here is the truth my son is amazing, Prader Willi Syndrome sucks but we are a pretty normal family, living a pretty normal life. I also found myself saying something that nobody said to me in those first few days. It makes such sense to me. FIND WHAT WORKS FOR YOUR FAMILY AND DO THAT! As long as your child is healthy, their labs are good and they are growing then you just do what you need to do to make your family work. I love how natural that felt. I love how it releases you from so much guilt over doing things the “right” way or the “wrong” way.

I shared honestly with this beautiful woman that there will be down days, but there will be so many up days. So many days filled with joyl

The most important things I found myself saying to her was very real and true to my heart. I told her the following:

AS THE PARENT OF A CHILD WITH SPECIAL NEEDS YOU LEARN TO APPRECIATE EVERYTHING even the smallest things mean so much. This not only applies to your child with special needs, but all your children. You take nothing for granted and learn to see the beauty in all the things that your kids do.

It all felt so natural coming out of my mouth,it all felt so real. When my sweet angel was diagnosed I was blessed to talk with 2 amazing people in that first day who have family with PWS. It was a life saver for me, it was my life raft because I was drowning in sadness.

Now I tell you this: 3 years later PWS is just a part of my life, it is my “normal.” I LOVE MY SON WITH EVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING. I don’t sit around and wish he didn’t have PWS I don’t him any other way. He is blossoming into such an amazing young man, and he and his brother are growing up to such amazing young men. I am blessed. My child says please and thank you, he tells me he loves me, and he smiles all day long. I don’t care what that genetic test says, he is perfect in my eyes.

Yes, I have my Broken Heart Syndrome moments, but they are getting less and less these days. As I am on my spiritual journey and deepening my love for myself and practicing loving myself, it is easier to accept all others around me. I love my child just the way he is PWS, Autism and all the rest of the wacky things that his body decided to give him.

Be grateful for everything. Even if it seems like a terrible tragedy or a terrible loss, it may really be a glorious blessing.

Be grateful for everything. Even if it seems like a terrible tragedy or a terrible loss, it may really be a glorious blessing.

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