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Tag Archives: kids
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Wear Batman Pajamas!

18 Oct

It is a typical Santa Monica morning. Overcast and breezy and if I listen closely I can hear the rumbling of the nearby waves.

There is nothing that can take the place of being home.

For me, home is a confusing term.

I am not quite sure if home is Philadelphia, the place I was born, if home is New Jersey, where I also lived, and, the place my father is laid to rest. Maybe home is California, the place where I lived most of my life, and the place where my mother, stepdad, and my sister still live?

Mostly it doesn’t matter.

When I am in California, Philadelphia, or New Jersey I still have that same feeling. Like a gigantic sigh that comes from deep down inside of me. It is my soul is coming back home. My true Self is back in its favorite sweatshirt, the one with all the holes that you have had since the beginning of time but can’t bare to part with.

I love the sound of the ocean, the quiet deafening after the waves crash on the beach. I love that sound. I love the memories that come crashing into my mind every time I hear another break hit the sand. I can close my eyes and remember that house on Lincoln Blvd. I can remember that monstrous rod iron bed that I had as a little pipsqueak of 8 or 9 years old. A bed that required a step stool to get into. I remember leaving the window open in my bedroom to hear the ocean, the same way my sister does in her living room, right where I slept last night. It is as if I have time traveled. As a little girl I used to sit as I am now, listening to that quiet, an irony that is not lost on me.

I find it very difficult to be in silence.

Here I am, on this couch transported back in time, a time when I had my beloved Monet, our West highland Terrier. A time when my sister and I had hamsters, skateboards, and bicycles with banana seats. (You remember those awful seats, don’t you?)

Yesterday I took my youngest on a school field trip to a local farm. They have what they call a jumping pillow. Maddock was all over that, as you can imagine.  I watched as 20 of these jubilant 3 years old ran for that nylon filled air sack and jumped their little hearts out. They were so happy to bounce up and feel that squish under their feet as they came down. I watched those children jumping intently.

I thought to myself: What can I learn from this? What can I learn from being airborne?

Here is what I came up with. As kids, all you know is fun. Kids don’t know financial stress, they aren’t worried how the mortgage will get paid. They just want to know that Mommy and Daddy want to play with them and tuck them in at night. Kids don’t know love lost, they love everybody. Kids don’t know self-consciousness, they don’t care what others think of them. If they love those batman pajamas then they will wear them to school no matter what anybody thinks.

Kids can sit and listen to the ocean and imagine faraway lands, as I did when I was a child, or jump on a trampoline and imagine flying, as my son does. They aren’t worried about the stress of the day. There is no room for that when you are living that moment to the fullest.

There is a feeling you get when you are jumping. A sensation that takes over when you are airborne. You are weightless, fearless, and full of joy. You aren’t worried about hitting the bottom. You only live for the air beneath you now.

This is where I chose to live my life from today and all the days to follow.

I am airborne. I am going home.

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Successful Summer Days

19 Jun

I was so worried when the summer was approaching about what I would do with the kids. I worried that I would not be able to find things to do with my kids ALL summer long. I worried about the heat, and not being able to take Blaise outside during the day. I was worried that we would have a repeat of last summer. Stuck inside, Blaise and PWS raging up a storm, and then he gained 4 pounds. I was worried that I wouldn’t have the energy or patience to make it through the long summer days. Are you seeing a theme here, yup, I WAS WORRIED!

I am completely amazed at how the last month has flown by. I am amazed at how I have managed to keep my kids active every single day, despite their unique needs. I am amazed at how in love I am with my kids. I am amazed at how patient I have been with my angels every single day. I am amazed at how much energy I have to run around with them all day, literally non-stop. I am amazed that through all of this I am about to finish my 200 hour yoga teacher training.

My life is so much a thing of awe for me. I am full of energy and ready to take on the day everyday with my kids. I am sure there are many people out there who think it is no big deal to have to entertain your kids all summer long. When you have 2 children with very unique needs and medical conditions it makes life way more complicated. Yet, through it all my kids are doing so well and so am I. There is only one more month left before they start school and I am not worried one bit about how it will go.

I will tell you this with absolute certainty. I am smoke free now and I feel the difference in my body, my mood, and my energy level. I believe letting go of this crutch has enabled me to spend more time out in the world again. I am a much happier and healthier mom. Yoga and meditation have also enabled me to have the patient and calm state of mind to handle each day.

I am totally exhausted now, slightly behind on the laundry, but my kids had a great day and the laundry can wait.

I would rather have a messy house for a day, if it meant that my kids were completely happy and living a full and adventurous life.

I’m Not Gonna Lie…

4 Dec

A blog should be honest right?

Today was this kind of day for me…..

I don’t know what is wrong today, or yesterday for that matter, but I am just in a funk. I am just in a bad mood. I am cranky, stressed out, tense, and to be quite honest, kinda mean.

I hate when I feel like this because it totally consumes me. It consumes every single aspect of my being. So today I find myself totally consumed with a massive amount of insecurity. I have been doing so good lately with not feeling bad about my self, and today it was as if I put my self in reverse. I am totally aware of the fact that what I am feeling is coming out of my stress and that it’s not real, however that doesn’t necessarily make it any better.

To add insult to injury I got a lovely letter in the mail from the State Department today regarding my passport. Three weeks after applying they send me this letter stating that I didn’t provide SUFFICIENT proof of my identity. Apparently a certified birth certificate and current drivers liscence(by the way this is what they told me was required and was all that was required) is no longer good enough. They sent me the letter and said that I need to submit 5 DOCUMENTS TO PROVE WHO I AM and….THAT ALL THE DOCUMENTS NEED TO BE 5 YEARS OR OLDER. Oh really. Then they go on to add a 5 page attachment of which I am to list EVERY SINGLE PLACE I EVER LIVED. They underline and restate that I must list EVERY single residence. As if I remember all that. So I am leaving for Mexico in roughly six weeks, the trip of a lifetime for me, given as a gift by my amazing sister. This is my first time out of the country, and my first time away from my kids. This is supposed to be a chance for me to recharge and have some real time to reclaim myself. So help me god if the state department screws this up for me, well…I am not sure I should post those not so nice words on here tonight.

So you see the end result of all of this mess is this…I was not nice to my kids today, mean to my mom, and really lame to my husband. So a blanket apology to all of the above is needed. I AM SORRY FOR BEING NASTY TO YOU.

I really don’t know how I even managed to write this blog tonight, yes, I am in that bad of a mood.

I made a promise to myself to be committed, and for me that means writing no matter what. That is one thing that makes me happy today, being committed and following through with a promise to myself.

I am going to be this bad day to rest now. I hope to wake tomorrow feeling a bit better than today.

Not everyday can be a good day.

I will accept all the days good and bad. I will see today for what it is a pile of you know what, and then let it go.

So dear readers can you let go of your bad days, maybe bad weeks, sometimes even bad years?

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