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Tag Archives: LIVING IN YOUR TOP 1%

I AM BLESSED

9 Jun

Saturday is Karate day at our house. Blaise get’s all suited up and off we go for a half an hour of watching him kick butt. today was something very special. Blaise was on fire, he performed like a champ.

He never ceases to surprise me with what he is able to do. He was following directions, jumping, running, laughing, and full of pride. Oh my god, my heart was overflowing. I felt so much joy for him. He felt pride for himself, and that is all I want for him. I want both my children to be proud of themselves. I am leading by example because that is how I feel about myself now, PROUD!

The luck really comes into play in a rather simple way. I am lucky to be the parent of a special needs child.. I am lucky to reveal in all the little miracles that happen everyday. I am lucky is what came to me as I listened to the wind today.

I spent the rest of the afternoon just sitting with my family. I watched as my children rode their bikes, swam in the in the little pool and enjoyed the sunshine. We laughed and just enjoyed the company. It was what I call a perfect day. I take these days very seriously. Life can be way to serious around here most of the time. Today was all about relaxing and enjoying the present moment.

I was well aware that my meditation this morning helped my mood, and I loved every minute of it. I think sometimes we are so caught up in the media world, the medical world, or the stressed out parent world to stop and enjoy the moment.

Today I did. It was AWESOME.

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No More Lies

30 May

I ask you this very simple question:

HOW CAN YOU HEAL IF YOU CONTINUE LYING TO YOURSELF?

It struck me light a bolt of lightning today. You can go to all the therapy in the world, pop all the pills they make, do yoga until you can stand on your fingertips in a handstand, but….if you aren’t acknowledging the truth behind all the junk, then all your work is for naught.

Yesterday as I talked through an article with my sister on the phone. She had numerous comments to me about my grammar, punctuation, and the like. If she had said that to me 6 months ago I would have been so annoyed. NOT NOW. I totally get it. I love to write but I struggle with all of those basic important writing things, ha! The new and improved me takes what people tell me and digest it before turning it into a painful experience. I am able to accept the truths about myself and not “make” them about something.

All that was an analogy for all the lies we tell ourselves and others everyday. There is always room for healing. There can not be healing if we don’t stop the lies.

We lie about all types of things. We tell ourselves we are healthy and then we drink ourselves into a stupor. We tell ourselves we are giving, but in actually hoard all we have. We tell ourselves we are not addicts, and we are so addicted that it blinds our view of reality.

Admitting to yourself and others the “truths” about yourself is the first step to healing. I have done a ton of this in the last 6 months.  Every time  I stop fighting the things about myself that are in fact a reality, I have just released another burden from my life.

My only advice for tonight is

STOP THE LIES

Everyday Like Today

28 May

I wish everyday was like today, period!!!

It was a perfect day. I got to spend the entire day outside with my kids and watch them swim in the mini pool. I watched my husband cook on the grill (yay for me no cooking at all), I had some wonderful conversations with my in-laws and I got to enjoy a beautiful glass of Pinot noir. Dare I ask what more could there be? Well okay, if my sister and mom and dad were here it would have been the most PERFECT of days, close enough though.

My in-laws bought a mini pool, it is big enough for me to swim in, the water is about 3 feet deep. I found myself just floating and staring up at the sky. I watched the most beautiful clouds swirl above my head, and I was so relaxed. I thought, “why can’t everyday be like today?” So much peace, no fighting, everybody doing their own thing but feeling very connected, and so much life all around us. I floated in the pool like that for quite some time, listening to the silence, or how all the sounds seem so much slower and quieter. I felt my body as it appeared to weigh almost nothing, all the heaviness just drifted away. I wasn’t worried about how I looked in my bathing suit, or did I remember to pay this bill, or do that thing, all I thought about was just drifting slowly and enjoying the moment as I relished the quiet outside and inside.

It was wonderful eating a great meal and watching my kids play and play and laugh all day long. I felt no pressure or stress. My entire family felt very relaxed and at ease. This is why I wish everyday was like today.

I spoke to my sister on the phone today and I told her that I finally cemented in my mind what SUCCESS is to me. To me success is peace. Of course there is a small idea of money in there, but it really is only to the point; where there is no stress to pay a bill or provide for my children. I truly define success as peacefulness in my life. Freedom from constant arguing, complaining, worrying about money, and let’s not forget the forever screaming. Success to me means having a job that I truly love and working is a “get to” not a “have to.” I will be successful when I get paid to do what I love and my family is functioning harmoniously. This is the definition I have finally come to claim in my mind.

Today felt very much like what I see in my head. Everybody was calm, happy, living in the present moment and enjoying all the blessings that life has bestowed upon us.

I feel extremely grateful to be alive today. I am still on an incredible journey of self-awareness and learning to live my best life, and I am so enjoying every moment of it.

Time for Healing

23 May

I believe there are some people who manage the stress of life and never let it get to a dangerous level. I believe there are people who don’t let stress effect them at all, and then there are the people who push it down and down until eventually they explode or sometimes it feels like an implosion.

I was told yesterday that I am a caretaker. I was told that being the mother of two young children is challenging enough, then you add a medical condition or special needs in the mix and it’s a whole new bag of worms. I was telling this woman that I am tired, depleted, feeling as if I have cracked and can’t snap out of it. She told me that was common for caretakers, that we are often tired, overwhelmed, and drained of energy.

I don’t mind being a caretaker, in fact it is quite an honor, but I have decided to not make apologies anymore. I am taking the time to heal. I DESERVE IT. I need to heal my soul, my spirit, and my physical body.

Yoga and meditation have been a life saver for me. When I am in the yoga studio the whole entire world melts away. All the stress of my life just disappears and I am totally present in doing the practice. When I am meditating it is my time, my time to heal, my time to go inward and get what I need.

I realize that I struggle with that. I struggle with just merely saying, I am tired I need rest. I am tired I don’t want to cook tonight, I am tired I want to sit quietly alone, or I am tired and I just don’t have any energy to hug or be there for you.

It’s ok. Remember we can’t give from what we don’t have.

I don’t know if it’s my age, or just my commitment to my life, or renewed commitment to myself, but I am deep in the healing process. I am more alive than I have ever been before while simultaneously going to places that I have shut down or never even opened before.

As my yoga teacher training progresses I am not only pushing my body to new physical limits but my mind as well. There is so much more to yoga than just the asana practice. For me it is a way of living. How can I best serve my spirit, my body, and those around me?This is the reality I live in nowadays. I am in love with it all.

I do believe that the extreme fatigue I am feeling is a by product of an extremely deep detoxification of the soul, and eventually purification.

I believe something very powerful happened to me recently. I don’t want to call it a nervous breakdown, but more like a “nervous breakthrough!” Something very powerful just clicked inside me. I just knew it right at that moment that I needed to heal, slow down, and move forward. It was an earth moving sensation and I haven’t stopped to look back. I am deserving, I am deserving, I am deserving. This is my mantra currently. It is helping me deal with the guilt of asking for what I should always have readily available, time to love and nourish myself.

So I will end this post tonight with all my fellow caretakers in mind. Before you all go to bed tonight say the mantra to yourself at least 3 times.

I AM DESERVING, I AM DESERVING, I AM DESERVING.

Open Those Hips

21 May

I can’t believe I am actually halfway through yoga teacher training.

I can’t believe how it has turned out to be nothing that I expected, and everything that I dreamed for.

This journey is such a powerful one. There is much work to be done, and I am happy to be getting busy doing it.

I will not reveal all the intimacies of my individual teacher training, but I will say that it has been a sublime experience. I am most definitely not the same woman I was when it all began. This past weekend in particular really stirred up the pot within me. So here I am on this Monday afternoon and I am experiencing a whole host of emotions and physically altered. I spent the vast majority of my weekend and the week prior working on “OPENING THOSE HIPS.”

It has been said that hip openers are big on releasing emotions. I have been slowly getting rid of so much stuff, but this weekend was like I cleared out the house and had  a major estate sale on pent-up feelings and junk.

I have physically never felt so open in my hips before. It is a liberating feeling. I am walking differently and feel much more centered. I love the evolution. I love watching myself from the outside as I shift and change and become the woman I see in my dreams.

I am an anxious person, and having 2 very demanding children has left me feeling frazzled and depleted on more and more days lately. Everybody under the sun told me to start meditating. Well, for some that might be an easy task, not for me. I am the person who just can’t shut the brain off, I can’t cease the conversation in my head, not even in my sleep. That is until last week. YES!!! I was finally taught to meditate, and to my chagrin I could actually accomplish a meditation. I felt like I had climbed Mt. Everest. I can only say. I have been meditating for a little over a week and the changes within myself are very noticeable and pleasing.

I am here at the table and a storm is brewing outside and inside, literally. I am unshaken. Maddock is screaming and yelling and hitting and I am a rock, impenetrable. I no longer have that feeling that I am going to explode and burst into a million little pieces. I feel like those old school clown toys that you used to punch and bounced right back up. Not that I am a doormat, but I can take a lickin’ and keep on ticking. I can’t wait to see where this journey leads me, just how far I can go with myself, to discover my true divine self.

I have spent a considerable amount of time lately frustrated with people who are uncomfortable with the fact that I am changing. So I made a choice as to how I would let this affect me. I chose to send them love. They are either scared of what they don’t know or understand, or scared that I am going to leave to go off in search of some higher spiritual enlightenment. In reality I am on a spiritual journey, but it is all in an effort to be a better human while I am on this planet. I am in awe of the possibilities that exist when I the best version of myself. What careers are out there for me? What new friends are awaiting me? What new journey is there waiting to be taken? I am full of joy at the possibility of clearing out the old to make room for all the new. It is totally awesome, for lack of a better word. Yes, there are plenty of “not so awesome” days to get through to the good stuff, but I am grateful for it all. I am grateful for all the experiences that come my way because I am here to experience them. I realize that I am only 4 years younger than my amazing dad was when his body left this earth. I am committed to filling my life and my heart with as much love and life as possible. I want to pass on to my children to fully live their lives with integrity, joy, happiness and fun. I think the best way to accomplish this goal is to lead by example so here I am.

I am welcoming a career that I love that will provide for my family. I am welcoming having children who know what it means to truly love who you are, as you are. I welcome the opportunity to live a life where work is a choice and not a “have to.” I welcome waking up every morning and being excited to start the day, even if that day is filled with the not fun stuff in life. I welcome being completely able to change and shift and grow until the day my human self leaves this earth.

They don’t call it a yoga practice for nothing, or a meditation practice or the like. This stuff takes work, commitment to yourself and those around you. I see the bigger picture. I see the end. I see how I have already made my life richer and fuller just by learning to live to be my authentic self. Scared, inspired, liberated, nervous, and hopeful. That is all me, oh there is so much more, but for the sake of not writing novel I will leave the rest to the imagination.

Who is that?

17 May

As I was leaving the house yesterday I quickly looked at myself in the mirror. I had a definite new and rather strange experience. I truly did  not recognize myself. Not a bad thing or a good thing, just a fact. I really didn’t see myself in that mirror. I saw myself but a very different version of myself.

 

I looked calm and relaxed. I looked older, but not that my face had aged, rather that my eyes seemed wiser. It is as if I had shed the skin which had become like a hard outer shell. I know it sounds hippy dippy to many of you, but it was the real deal for me. I absolutely felt as if something that had its grip on me for many years had  released me.

It struck me yesterday that I have not looked at myself in the mirror and rejected what I saw in a long while. That brought a huge smile to my face. I am truly exhibiting love for myself.

 

You can’t give from what you don’t have. If I don’t practice love for myself than I can’t love those around me.

I have spent the last two weeks sharing with my children how we can practice loving speech with those around us. I want to be a shining example for not only my kids but my friends and the people in my community. I am here to cultivate the changes that I want to see. I realized that they start with me and so that is why I got busy doing the work I had to on myself.

I have had some very challenging weeks lately, but I am grateful for them all. I am grateful for all the experiences in my life that help me remember who I am and how I am always able to evolve.

The Unarguable Truth

16 Apr

I know that I am not the only one to struggle with telling the truth about how I feel. I know I am not alone.

I have thought for years that I am an honest person and always thought I was a truthful person. I am realizing more and more lately that  the idea I had of “truthfulness” is a bit skewed.

I can’t be completely truthful if I am being in-authentic or if I am only kinda sorta telling the truth, but not enough to hurt somebody’s feelings. I am definitely not being honest If I push the truth away because it will cause a painful chain of events. This all equals living in a very dishonest state with myself.

I was so honored to have a conversation on the phone today with the amazing Frank Gjata. I was left feeling inspired and motivated. Frank opened my eyes up to a way of telling the truth that allowed me to be 100% my most authentic self. It would awaken my spirit and allow for there to be no conflict at the same time. I was all ears. This is exactly what I need in my life now.

Here is a great video that explains The Unarguable Truth.

Here is a easy to follow definition

The Basic Shift:  Telling the Unarguable Truth
The unarguable truth is a truth that does not produce argument.  It is an attitude as much as a technique.  A good starting place is describing your personal experience as literally as possible.  Start with physical sensations (“my palms are sweaty”), then go to core emotions (“I am feeling scared/sad/angry/joyful/sexy”) and finally acknowledge thoughts (“I am thinking that you don’t like me.”).

I am committed to learning to communicate in this new way. I am learning how to speak from what is happening inside of me. To speak from my heart. To be authentic.

There are no accidents in life. This truth concept is a big one for me at the present moment. I have a speech to do for Teacher Training and I chose to do mine on the subject of Truthfulness.

Clearly there is something inside of me that is dying to come out. I have finally come to a crossroads in my life where the time has come for me to be truly authentic. I can no longer live any other way.

I was told this weekend by somebody that I love very much that, “I am not expressed, that the light and joy inside of me needs to come out not just sometimes but all the time.” After seeing the amazing Wayne Dyer this weekend it really struck a chord inside of me.

Wayne said something this weekend that I take very seriously. He said the following:

DON’T DIE WITH YOUR MUSIC STILL IN YOU!

I don’t plan on it. So I shall start with truthfulness. This will be the first step in letting my music out.

3 words for today

THE UNARGUABLE TRUTH

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