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Tag Archives: Rachel Pastiloff

Experiencing the Wonder of the Everyday « Positively Positive

16 Nov

Mommy, don’t worry so much about me. My world is perfect, and I really am very happy. I don’t see test scores or therapy evaluations; they don’t exist in my world. I am happy where I am. I love the reflection I see when I brush my teeth and see myself in the mirror. I love the sound of my laugh. I love my brother, even when he gets mad at me. I love school so much. Please don’t worry so much about me being “the same” as the other kids my age. I like who I am. I know what love is mommy. I know you want me to do more than just puzzles on my iPad or playing with my school bus, but those things make me happy. In my world, I don’t need to have perfect hand strength or handwriting. In my world, I truly am happy when I dance to a YouTube video. I really do find happiness in the simple things.

via Experiencing the Wonder of the Everyday « Positively Positive.

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Believing in Divinity

1 Nov

How do you just convince yourself that everything will be ok? How do you do this when that overwhelming sense of panic sets in?

My heart starts to beat rapidly and the sound is reverberating in my head. My jaws are clenched tightly, so tightly that I can feel my teeth becoming dull. My feet and fingers are cold. I am feeling really nervous and the butterflies are swirling in my stomach. How can I stop all this? This is truly what I consider to be the mind body connection. There is a real fear here, a fear that started emotionally and has turned into a physiological reaction.I can sit an tell myself that everything will be okay, and remind myself not to get caught up in worry. Trust in the Universe that all we be right.

How can there be suffering in the world if you could just wish it away?  If I can just wish away my stress, then why can’t others have the same luxury?

Are we built to worry? Is it in my genetic makeup to be the type of individual who resides in a home of fear? I wonder this all the time. Was I born this way or have I created this monster myself? If I created this fear monster I better kill it quick. I would die to see this transferred onto my children.

I am coming clean. I have a fear of not having enough.

 I have a fear of running out of money, clothes, food, and everything in between why does this live in me?  There are individuals who have much less than I do, and still live in a world of pure abundance. These folks live in a world free of fear of lacking. What do these people possess that I don’t? Intellectually I know that things will always find a way to appear in my life. I am well aware that they may look different than I expected, but they will be there.  My work right now is on letting go. I am letting go of the constraints of a living a life of lacking and worrying.

A beautiful woman in California told me the following, “ You need to trust in the Universe and believe in your divine self.” I know what truly scares me is the possibility that deep down I don’t believe in my own divinity. I know that all of the fear comes down to “not knowing.” I live in a world of uncertainty even in myself. I can’t live in that place anymore.

 I don’t want to have cold feet, worn down teeth, and a heart that grew tired of beating too fast. 

 

Inspired, Dedicated and Motivated

31 May

Let me be crystal clear when I say this,

I am not grammarian, nor will I ever be. Will I let this stop me from wanting to write all the time, no way!

I have decided to just dive in head first. I want to not only teach yoga, but I want to write. I have always wanted to write. Sometimes I feel a bit frustrated because there are so many things I want to write about, but it isn’t the correct time to do so.

I have submitted some of my work to a few different websites. My hope is to have my work read through as many avenues as possible.

I am looking forward to the day when I can share some of most deepest and personal work. It is a personal choice now not to publish certain things, but when the time is right the Universe will tell me when to reveal it.

I laid in bed last night thinking of all the amazing things that I have swirling around in my head. I am not some god like figure, some mystical being, but I am a miracle.

I laid in the park with my son yesterday and stared up at the clouds. I repeated it over and over in my head. I am a miracle. I can’t believe how far I come. I can’t believe I never gave up on myself. I am so ready to share my journey with the world. Why? My most important teachers in life are the people around me, the blogs I read, my family and my friends.

My purpose is crystal clear. I am a healer. I am here to do some serious work on this planet and it feels like a big roller coaster ride at times, but mostly I feel completely excited and ready to go.

We are Special

26 May

I received a message yesterday from my sister to call her right away. I was physically and emotionally exhausted but I called. As I listened to her on the other end of the line say, “My friend has a friend with a 5 week old baby just diagnosed with Prader Willi Syndrome, can you call her please?” Normally I would have hung up  the phone and called her straight away, however I live by the new principle of I CAN’T GIVE TO YOU WHAT I DON’T HAVE!  So I told my sister to give me 2 hours and that I would call her. I did call and left a message. Blaise then called her a few times too, haha!

We finally connected this morning and it was beautiful. It felt really amazing and interesting to be the one comforting. I sat and thought to myself what would I want to hear if my child was newly diagnosed? What would I say to me 3 years ago? What are the most important things to really get across?

So I started with the most obvious. Please allow yourself time to grieve. There is a grieving process and we often overlook it and the role it plays in the healing process. Then it was the obvious things to be HONEST. Here is the truth my son is amazing, Prader Willi Syndrome sucks but we are a pretty normal family, living a pretty normal life. I also found myself saying something that nobody said to me in those first few days. It makes such sense to me. FIND WHAT WORKS FOR YOUR FAMILY AND DO THAT! As long as your child is healthy, their labs are good and they are growing then you just do what you need to do to make your family work. I love how natural that felt. I love how it releases you from so much guilt over doing things the “right” way or the “wrong” way.

I shared honestly with this beautiful woman that there will be down days, but there will be so many up days. So many days filled with joyl

The most important things I found myself saying to her was very real and true to my heart. I told her the following:

AS THE PARENT OF A CHILD WITH SPECIAL NEEDS YOU LEARN TO APPRECIATE EVERYTHING even the smallest things mean so much. This not only applies to your child with special needs, but all your children. You take nothing for granted and learn to see the beauty in all the things that your kids do.

It all felt so natural coming out of my mouth,it all felt so real. When my sweet angel was diagnosed I was blessed to talk with 2 amazing people in that first day who have family with PWS. It was a life saver for me, it was my life raft because I was drowning in sadness.

Now I tell you this: 3 years later PWS is just a part of my life, it is my “normal.” I LOVE MY SON WITH EVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING. I don’t sit around and wish he didn’t have PWS I don’t him any other way. He is blossoming into such an amazing young man, and he and his brother are growing up to such amazing young men. I am blessed. My child says please and thank you, he tells me he loves me, and he smiles all day long. I don’t care what that genetic test says, he is perfect in my eyes.

Yes, I have my Broken Heart Syndrome moments, but they are getting less and less these days. As I am on my spiritual journey and deepening my love for myself and practicing loving myself, it is easier to accept all others around me. I love my child just the way he is PWS, Autism and all the rest of the wacky things that his body decided to give him.

Be grateful for everything. Even if it seems like a terrible tragedy or a terrible loss, it may really be a glorious blessing.

Be grateful for everything. Even if it seems like a terrible tragedy or a terrible loss, it may really be a glorious blessing.

Billionaires, Happiness Junkies, and Dreamers

8 Mar

I am a dreamer……

I have been a dreamer my entire life. I have always had big ideas swirling around in my head.

My dreams now are still wild, but a bit more realistic.

My dreams now are my current manifestation wish list.

My dreams now include me thanking the universe in advance for them happening in my life.

I sat on the sofa this morning with pain medication running through my body. I had the heating pad wrapped around my jaw. The heat from the pad was scorching my skin, but I dare not remove it. I was convinced of its healing powers and the magical effect it would have on taking away my pain.

Yes, it was 7am and Good Morning America was about to start. I love this show and never get to watch it, I typically lose out to Sesame Street or Super Why. I am so glad I tuned in today. I needed a little bit of inspiration, and I got it.

Most of you have heard of the stocking company Spanx. Many of you own them or hope to own a pair one day. They make your tush look great,  and they make your body look amazing under those white pants that you wouldn’t dream of ever wearing.

Sara Blakely, Founder & Owner of Spanx is 41 years old and started her company 12 years ago at the they ripe age of 29. Sara came up with the idea and took her life savings a whopping $5,000 to start the company.

Fast forward 12 years and Sara Blakely has just been added to the Forbes Billionaire list. HELLO DREAMERS OF THE WORLD.

This story is not inspiring to me because she is a BILLIONAIRE.

It is inspiring to me because it reminds me that ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE IN THIS WORLD.

It reminds me that if I do what I love, what inspires me, and what makes my heart overflow with love then I too shall see success.

I find that success looks very different for me today than it did 10 years ago, heck it looks different from it did even 5 years ago.

I am a visionary.

I am a dreamer.

I am a happiness junkie.

I am a billionaire(I am rich with soul.)

I sat at the dinner table with my family tonight. I looked at my husband and said the following words to him,

“I have a son with a horribly painful and incurable condition, we have a ton of stress in our lives, and we have had some really terrible stuff occur in our lives in the last few years. The incredible thing is that I have never been as happy in my life as I am right now.”

It is mind-blowing even to me. I make it a practice every single day to find happiness. After a some time it just became a part of me. Happiness lives inside of me now. My relationship with happiness is completely different than what it used to be.

It used to be just fleeting moments of happiness that I would cling to, just  like lint clings to your favorite pair of black pants.

At first I was actually uncomfortable with happiness. It didn’t feel right, it didn’t fit. I had become accustomed to living in chaos and stress, that is what felt right. That inner turmoil was like your favorite sweater. I have officially donated that sweater and moved on.

I watched the amazing Sara, owner of Spanx, on Good Morning America and  I thought to myself I really can see my dreams.

I see a future where I am successful. I have a successful and functioning family. I have a successful career. I am surrounded by people who I love, people who inspire me and bring joy to the world. I see a future with financial freedom, one where money no longer is a stress trigger.

I am  obsessed with Lord Ganesha a Hindu Deity.

Although he is known by many other attributes, Ganesha’s elephant head makes him particularly easy to identify. Ganesha is widely revered as the Remover of Obstacles[10] and more generally as Lord of Beginnings and Lord of Obstaclespatron of arts and sciences, and the deva of intellect and wisdom.He is honoured at the beginning of rituals and ceremonies and invoked as Patron of Letters during writing sessions.

I feel as if in some way he is always by my side. I was one who was easily overcome by my obstacles, now I seem to manage a way around them or rid myself of them completely. I truly feel as if he is guiding me on my path.

I love the idea of removing obstacles. I love the idea of new beginnings.

Every moment is a new beginning. Every moment we inhabit a new part of ourselves and a new opportunity for something different. This is what keeps me going every day. This is what has brought me to this profoundly calm, grateful, joyful, and abundant state I am in life right now.

Here are my 3 words. Here I am. This is me.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

29 Feb

I have been a blog slacker this week….

I have returned to the land of blogging. This past week was absolutely torturous. Impossible to write anything. Hey I was working on about 3 hours of sleep a night here.

Last week and the beginning of this week have proved to be very challenging. Calling on all of my strength, courage, and compassion to make it through each and every day. I watched my one child literally have a nervous breakdown, while my other child bounced off the walls for 10 or more hours a day.

Final outcome=mommy overload.

As things began to slow down I came to one of those realizations that make you say, AH HA!

I survived the madness. I made it through another day, another week, and another month. I can do this, albeit hard, but I can still make this work.

My plate is so full right now that at times I think my head might literally come flying off of my body.

Currently I am:

Getting ready to start Yoga Teacher Training

Planning my One Small Step walk for Prader Willi Syndrome

Getting my wisdom teeth out in 2 short days from now

Have almost 10 doctors appointments(specialist appointments, for those of you who don’t know those are really long and far away) for Blaise in the next two months

and….

Working on trying the Feingold diet with Maddock my youngest (For those of you who don’t know it’s a strict diet to help hyperactive children)

So there you have it. My crazy life in a nutshell.

This past Sunday was a crazy day here, it was a typical Sunday for our family. I read a few of my friends post on Facebook about having a lazy Sunday with their kids and spouses. My husband and I looked at each other and laughed. That is so far from a reality for us. We can’t ever imagine just having a lazy day. We love our children more than the entire world, but they are a challenging bunch. Not to mention when you have a child with PWS you can’t just go and take a nap and let that child fend for themselves. Their life depends on you, you are on duty 24/7.

That being said, I LOVE MY LIFE. I LOVE MY CHILDREN. I LOVE MY CRAZY HECTIC SCHEDULE.

It is exhausting and on most days emotionally draining, but it keeps me going. I am motivated more than ever to see things through, and to overcome all obstacles in my way.

I thank the Universe in advance everyday for all the gifts that have yet to arrive.

Here is my letter to the Universe today:

Dear Universe,

Thank you for helping Blaise succeed in school and surpass all the labels that have been placed upon him.

Thank you for helping me figure out how to help Maddock be a calm and happy child.

Thank you for allowing me the freedom to go to Yoga Teacher Training and participate with my whole heart.

Thank you for creating a space for me to provide yoga to the people on the south side of Atlanta.

Thank you for all the readers of my blog that continue to join and read my work.

Thank you for helping me to have a successful OSS fundraiser walk for PWS.

Thank you for my life and the life of my children. I am always grateful to be here on this earth.

I am such a good place right now in my life. I had such a wretched few weeks and I am still completely overjoyed with my life. I am truly at a place where I can take each moment for what it is and then move on.

What has given me so much clarity is really examining all the events in my life. So this past week was an amazing learning experience for me. I gained huge amounts of clarity on my plan of action for my children and myself.

Getting ready for my teacher training is keeping me in great spirits. I am ready to begin this new journey in my life.

I know this post may seem really hippy dippy, but I can’t help it. I am in a (see picture below)

I am back, plan on reading daily blogs from me again starting today.

You Have Been Infected

15 Dec

I wish I could explain the feeling….

So why don’t I just show you.

It’s a little like this

 

 

 

Or maybe it’s like this

Or possibly like this

I don’t know what has come over me. Not that I am complaining, but it is just, well, mind-blowing. I am so on fire, so on point. I don’t know if there really is much that could knock me down. Even if there was something, it would only be a temporary setback.

Although for some people who know me it may seem as if this came out of nowhere, but it didn’t . I know the exact moment it happened

Wanna know when it was, well then let me tell you. It was the moment I walked out of the very first yoga class I ever took in my life, which by the way just happened to be led by my sister Jen. I walked out of that room on a high like i can’t even explain. There were a whole host of reasons why I felt as if I was floating. The biggest reason being that I had just done my first class and made it all the way to the end. It wasn’t a beginners class and I am really out of shape. I attempted all my handstands(with the help of the wall), did as many crows as I could, and did the breath of fire until I thought I would pass out. Within the first five minutes of being there I lost my feeling of insecurity and just went with it. There were some really amazing people in that class, I mean some serious yogis who could virtually levitate on the mat, it was awe-inspiring.
I  begged my sister not to tell anybody that it was my first yoga class, she swore she didn’t. I found out after the class that everybody knew. Not one of them led on the whole time that they knew, everybody was so friendly and supportive.

So ok, it was just a yoga class, but not really. It was a milestone on more than one level. I have always had this fear of taking classes, I worry that people will laugh at me, or think me foolish. So I finally put myself out there and it was a big one, to take a class with people who are dedicated to a yoga lifestyle.  Then secondly that I made it through the class and felt like I kept up made me feel accomplished, cause believe me I wanted to give up more than once.

Okay but that is just one part of the whole life chainging experience. I was feeling sad that morning. I was missing California and thinking about the opportunities that you have when you live there. I didn’t want to go home. Then I walked out of the class looked at Jen and said, “I can make a life anywhere.” I really didn’t think about that declaration again until a few days ago. I realized that I have completely changed since I returned from California. I can’t believe how inspired and full of life I am right now. Of course I have had many moments in my life that were filled with joy, but this is different. This feels really permanent. I think the biggest thing is really that  the joy I feel is about myself. I have always been filled with joy about my children, and my family, but lacked that same spark for myself.

Well, I can finally say it now. I LOVE MY LIFE, I LOVE MYSELF, I AM HAPPY(I MEAN REALLY HAPPY). I AM AWESOME(NOT IN A CONCEITED WAY, BUT IN A IT’S GOOD TO LOVE YOURSELF WAY). I AM WORTHY OF THE LIFE I HAVE ALWAYS DREAMT OF.

I am all those things in spite of all of these things.

I am short

I am 20lbs overweight

I have crooked teeth

i have acne

I am terrible at punctuation

I let my kids watch t.v. sometimes because I need a break

I TALK ALOT, I MEAN I REALLY TALK WAY TOO MUCH

I am not very good at calling people back

I still pay my bills late

But in spite of all those things I still feel good. I feel like I was infected with happiness in California.

I want to infect other people with that same happiness. What if you could be infected with happiness. Why do we commonly associate infection with the bad things like disease. I am going to start a new trend. I am going to start the Happiness Infection. It is simple, if you are truly happy, joyful, and in integrity with your kindness, than the people around you have no choice, they are infected.

So dear readers, go out and start infecting your friends, and family. It is amazing how good it feels to be around people who are also happy like you, it is such a breath of fresh air.

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